oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
