When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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