i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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