well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
