I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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