We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
