So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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