so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
