i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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