Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
