Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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