Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
