We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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