Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
