This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
