3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
do nipples grow back?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
