I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
