you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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