My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
