"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
