soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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