ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
