umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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