i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
