Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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