mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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