Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
