Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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