I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
