Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
