never play flip cup with pint glasses
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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