I puked a lego.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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