for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
