nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
