do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
