i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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