my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
