We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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