Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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