I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
