NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize