Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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