Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
