True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
