I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
