Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
