We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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