you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
