I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
