she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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