She is in my trunk
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
