fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
