please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
