yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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