There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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