I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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