My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
