I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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