There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
