apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
