3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
