i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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