can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
