Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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