i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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