you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
