OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
