I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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