I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
