I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
