My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
