non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
