Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
