I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I love having hate sex.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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