Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He passed out mid-signature
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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