Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
