Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
