I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
