i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my liver is dry heaving
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
