Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
