You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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