You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My vagina is officially offended.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
