gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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