Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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